Chef Admits to Cooking his Wife

For me, discovering that someone could cook another human being was hard enough to stomach, but finding this story in the Food Brief of the Huffington Post nearly caused me to lose my lunch. It was sandwiched between stories of Five Guys being voted the best burger in the country, and Ben & Jerry’s announcing its new ice cream flavor. Nauseating. Gratefully, it did not suggest a wine pairing.

David Viens, the chef and owner of a Los Angeles based restaurant, confessed to police in a taped interview that he “slow-cooked” his wife.  Did we need to know his method?  What—as opposed to braising or roasting? No further details were provided, however since cooking was his bread and butter, everyone in the food world knows any chef worth his salt never under-seasons.

I don’t need to tell you this story is ripe for a screenplay. If someone isn’t writing one this very moment, it’s a real shame. I know. We’ve already got Sweeney Todd.  But that was baking, this is stewing; it’s a whole different enchilada.

The next inconceivable tidbit is that David Viens pleaded not guilty to the murder of his wife. He told the police she was already dead when he put her in a 55 gallon pot to boil. He claims she was stealing money from their restaurant to support her drug habit, and one night, after a cocaine-induced argument, he bound her arms and legs, and taped her mouth shut to dissuade her from driving or doing more drugs. Then he went to sleep. By the time he awoke, she was dead.

When Chef Viens discovered he was a suspect in the killing, he took an 80 foot plunge off a cliff in a half-baked attempt to kill himself.  He survived the fall but remained in critical condition for days.  After coming out of a brief coma, Viens spilled the beans to police.

Who’s in hot water now?